Misc!

I am at that age that i want a girl friend!  Some times its hard to sit back and wait! I mean I see all these people that have girl friends and boy friends and I think to my self man I want a girl but not just any girl! I want a girl that I can love and be loved by. A girl that loves the lord with her whole heart and would do any thing or go any where for the lord! A girl that can help me raise a family up to love and worship god as we do! I shall be 22 next month and I think allot about marriage. About what it will be like to be married! Some times God has to tell me to slow down and just wait because the right girl will come around at the right time! I don’t know if its weird but I pray for my wife who ever she may be. I know God is going to bring her to me when the time is right! Who know may be I have met her all ready!?! I don’t know! But I do know that I can’t wait to be with her!! Even though I really want a girl friend (aka wife) right now I know I am not ready yet! Some times my emotions get in the way and i don’t see that. Some times I let my emotions get the best of me and take me down paths that are not bad but i all ways get hurt in the end! Even though its really hard I need to trust God more with my life!!! I need to be strong and not give in. I know god will bring my wife to me when the time is right! Soon I will be starting a new life in my old roots and I can’t wait to see where God takes me!

The wind is changing.

For months now God had been speaking to me about things. He has been talking to me about the things that are going to happen through me. He has been telling me great things that I can’t even fathom! And he has been telling me that there are things in my life that I need to get rid of and I have known these things but just have not got rid of them. Strong holds in my life that I need to be free from before any thing can happen. He said that it was time  and that I needed to be free or else he would go to some one else. I know that these things that god tells me are truly for me and I don’t want them to be passed on to the next person.To tell you the truth I think I am a next person!

For years God has been promising that he was going to start to move through Vision student fellowship but so far nothing. And from what I can see no one at VSF but like me and two others are still holding god to his promise. Now i don’t know may be there are others that feel the same way. I really hope so! I have been praying for years that God would move like he promised! And I know its coming time because I have not given up and because I can feel it coming. I don’t know if  every one is going to be ready for whats going to happen but its going to happen any ways! I love my youth pastors but from what I see they are fine with the ways things are. Now that may not be so I could be wrong I hope I am! Not much has been happening at church and i really want to see the holy spirit move! I know my youth pastors are tired of nothing happen and want to see change!  I don’t know! I really want to see things happen and I believe it’s going to start soon!

There is some thing God has been telling me for months to do that I am going to finally do. And I think when I do it some thing is going to start to happen in the valley. You see God has not only called me to reach out to the youth of VSF but to the youth of the valley! I believe that it starts at VSF. God just needs some one to step up and get things started. And I believe that’s its me. So I have been getting ready for what God wants to do. I am still learning but we are all ways learning now aren’t we? I am taking my place. Going to move forward with God’s plans. Oooooo man is things going to happen!

Bored

So I have come to find out that I have to start all over again! Once again I have to start my life all over again! So coming back to the valley thought It would be ok because I have friends down here but come to find out I have friends but not good one’s. The one’s I used to hang with all the time before I left all have moved on. Some are still here but they and I are not the same! I have tried to hang with them but Its just to boring! I have been hanging with some new people and they are cool! I think they may be the new one’s. One thing is that my little bro hangs all the time with me. Now I don’t mind it most of the time but after awhile it gets annoying. It nice to hang with people my own age by my self some times! I don’t know. I have been having a hard time with the whole friends thing allot lately and I have come to find out that I don’t spend as much time with God as I should. I really miss God! I miss spending time with him!!! God has shown me that I need to learn to love, worship, listen and have faith in him all over again! God has been really showing me some things he wants me to do and i have just been afraid to do them! Last week i went out side and was spending time with God and tried to write but I just could not do it! So then I started to sing and I was just singing for a long time and loud! It was amazing! I was just singing to god and telling me how much I loved him and how much he means to me and just on and on…… I am learning to be with him all over again! He is showing me how to love. He is giving me the strength to do his will. One thing that I have notest is that the people I used to hang with are not the same when it comes to God. We used to spend hours with God. Its like they have lost there relationships with God. like they have lost there vision! It seems like all they care about is having fun with there friends. They have become satisfied with their lives even though God has more for them! And there are some things that I just make me ohh I don’t know I just don’t under stand what they are thinking! Parts of me wish it was like last year but I know it can never be that way again! I have to trust God and believe that He knows what he is doing (which I do ). I am going to keep trusting God and not going to let them get me down! They may be in a hole but I am not going to let that happen to me! I want what my father has for me!!!! I want to be blessed and used by him! I see what he wants and I am going to push foreword with or with out any body! I am strong in Christ! As long as I am doing his will I am good!

what now?

So I am back in  the valley. I really wish I did not have to leave but I did. I am fine with being back but its been hard being back! I feel like every one has past me by and I don’t fit in any more. I have been so bored! I have nothing to do! I thought coming back to the valley would be fun but it has not been for the most part. I am praying that a job at a news station works out but its been hard trying to find out about it. Tonight I started to watch this event that was on GodTV that my friends were working cameras for but I  had to stop watching because I started to get sad! It hard being away from my friends! I don’t know why I feel like this way!?! This is not me! I no longer have a life here in the valley! I have to start all over! New friends new job new life! My family up north keep telling me to move up there. I wish I could! But I feel this is were God has me for now! I don’t know why!?! If you know me I like to stay busy! if I am not busy I go crazy and start to freak out and things start to happen. Ok I need to stop venting. I just…. some times need friends my age to talk to about these things. I know I do but most of them live far away and the others are busy. That’s why I really miss ccm is because I all ways had people to hang with. Friends to talk to when needed. Ok I am going to stop now.  Ok I really do trust God! I know God has all things in his hands! I have been alive for 22 years and have all ways trusted God with my life. Even though I did not feel like it like last summer. I have all ways looked to God in the end. He is my God I will for ever worship him! I love to worship! I really do! Its one thing that brings me close to God. So what now? Well I start my new life for the second time in a year. I will look to God forguidance for my future. I will not back down, stand down or give up! I am a mighty, power full man of God! Nothing can come against me. Nothing can take me out! Or push me around! For I am a Man of God!

prayer and help

So I am really in need of Gods help right now! So I need alot of money for school and if i don’t get it in with in the next 9 weeks I could be moving back to the valley. Now I have mixed fillings about this. I really  love it here! But I also miss every one in the valley! I am trusting that God is going to take care of it all. I know that God is good and he has never let me down.

So on a nother note. I have started edit assiting. Its ok but I really don’t want to be a editor. Its good because I really want To learn final cut and avid! So we also just got done with a music video. Now that was fun! I did so many things for it and I was really tired after werds. I have been learning so much latly and I am so glade I am here. Pleas remuber to be praying for me. I can use all the prayer I can get.

Nothing

Week, tired, hungry for more of something. Wanting more! I am nothing. Nothing but skin and bone. Human. No one would ever want me. I am worth nothing. A sinner. I do my best in this life but I think some time’s I can do better. What is the reason I am here? Why was I born on this earth? I am nothing, nobody. I am nobody with out God. I need the father because with out him I am nothing. Why was I put o n this earth? To worship the one who has created me. I live to walk like the father. Do I walk like the father? I try to. I try and live my life to the best I can. I trust the father with my whole heart. I have lived for him my whole life. And I hope to keep serving him my whole heart. I have started a new life. New friends, new home, new every thing. I no longer have a life any were else. I have friends and family in other places who I love so much. But I no longer have life there with them. I will go back and visit with them when ever I can because they are my great friends and family. I start over. I pray and ask God the way I should go. Were I should go what I should do. “My Life” not my parents. I am my own. I will trust the father for direction. I will get past things that have happened in the past and moved forward. Move past things that have held me back in the past. I am free from the past. I give it all to God. He alone holds my life in his hands. When the time is right for me to get a wife God will bring her. I will wait for the right one to come. In God’s timing. For now I will wait and learn. Enjoy my life now. Worship the father with my whole heart. Love him with all my being. Trust him with my whole mite. I am nothing with out the father.   

trusting

My heart is heavy. I am tired. I am week. I just wan’t to give up. I want to give in. I don’t want to go on any more. I want to go back to the way things were. But I know that that can’t happen. I know God is in control. And I trust him. He is the only one that I will trust my life with. I know God is going to come through! He has brot me this far and I know that he is not going to give up on me now. I will keep pushing forword. I will do his will. I will not give up on him because he has not given up on me. He is worthy of my praise. No one our nothing can get in my of doing God’s will. I am more then a conqueror. I can do all things through christ who strengthens me.

why try?

why do we try? That is a question one of my friends was asking. Why should I try? Well I think the only reson we don’t want to try is because its to hard. But one thing I have come to learn is that just because its hard dues not mean we should not try. We need to keep trying even though its hard. Its not all ways going to be hard. If we just remember to have Jesus with us when times are hard we can conquer any thing. I think we just don’t like to try. We Rather give up then try. I think its time that that stop. That’s one thing I am tired of doing. I am tired of giving up because its to hard. I have all ways given up our given in. No more. I am more then a conqueror! I am not going to be like every one Else that when  things get hard that they just give up. God has made us more then that! With God all things are possible. We just need to keep in mind that God is with us when times are hard. I am taking that step to try even though its hard because I know God is right there with me. He will not give me more then I can handle. I will try!

Life

So this is my first blog. I don’t know how it will go. But I hope it all comes out good!

So this summer has been crazy!! I have gotten new friends but only for them to be taken away. I have fallen in love but only for my love to be taken away. My friends are the greatest!!! We have had so much fun together doing crazy things!!! What can I say about the one I love? She is great! there is no one like her. My emotions have been running like crazy. And I now know that I have let them run my life over the summer. I have had hard times. I have had good times. But even through all the hard and good times I have been able to find God. God has been doing some great things over the last six months in me and it has been a crazy ride with him. He has shown me new things that have helped. God has helped me get through the hard times and trust me I have been through some really hard times!

But now I start a new life. That means I get new friends. I will all ways be friends with my old friends. They are my best friends. Some more then others. But I start a new life. My new friends are are really cool! They are all doing the same thing as me [I think that is cool]. I face some new challenges with my new life. It has been really hard starting this new life. Manly because I am away from all my family and friends. There have been times when I just wanted to give up and go home. There have been times when I could not feel God at all. I new he was there But I could not feel him walking with me. But one of my friends told me that I just need to keep seeking him even though I don’t feel him. So I started to do that. Even though I did not feel God I still kept seeking him. I am still having a hard time feeling him But I am going to keep running after him. One thing that I miss is spending so much time with God. Back in the valley I used spend so much time with God because I had so much time to do that. But here Ihave very little time to spend with God. So I am having to learn how to find the time to spend with God. I can only find little amounts of time to spend with God and its hard to only spend a little time with him. I am learning to enjoy the time I do have with him. I have been really trusting him for every thing. He has been my all. It is very easy to get busy and forget him here. I that is one thing I really have to work on. I really can not lose him our else I will fall. So I am going to keep seeking and running after God with all my heart. I am not going to let any thing get ion my way!